Farmville is her only friend.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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