just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
