I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
