Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
