i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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