How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
