I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
