Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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