if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
