my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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