he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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