and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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