also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
