So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
