I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
