So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
