Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
