Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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