Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
