He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
