i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
His nipple licking is glorious
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