Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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