Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
