I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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