Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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