Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible