You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.