i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
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I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.