Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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