The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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