I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
