Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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