You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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