so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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