hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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