Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
