i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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