hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize