After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
