My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
