My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
