yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
