I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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