I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
accomplished twins. life is a go
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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