Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
