uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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