just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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