We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
