I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
