There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
