who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just invented taco cereal.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
