Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
