Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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