So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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