i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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