i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
