Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
