I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
