his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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