I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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