U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
accomplished twins. life is a go
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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