She's JV to your varsity
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
