I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
