My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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