she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
