K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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