Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
this is an emotional support booty call
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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