brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
