weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize