He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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