Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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