this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
