I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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