so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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