um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
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The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
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I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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