I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
