Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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