The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
