do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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