Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
