party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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