she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
