If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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