You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
