I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
